So Far, so Tasty

Yay more Top Chef! Granted, I don’t think Top Chef: Masters is as palatable (or some other lame food-related quip) as a regular installment of the show, but it is enough to satiate some of my cravings (ok, I’ll stop). Mainly, Masters falls short because it doesn’t follow the same group of people week by week – rather, it features four different, already established “master” cheftestants who face off head to head with one winning and going on to the Champions Round – thus making it more difficult to root for anyone in particular. Also, as a result of their “master” statuses, none of these chefs takes the competition too seriously – why should they? – so the whole thing feels a bit half-assed at times. Furthermore, because of the high caliber of chefs, the judges’ criticism is pretty bland (sorry, last food related adjective, I promise) and scathing reviews are one of the things that make normal Top Chef so fun. Also, I miss Tom and Gail (though apparently she’ll be on later this season) and yes, even Padma. This new host, Kelly Choi, is pretty but a bit lackluster (I avoided a food word there). And, notably missing from the lineup of competing chefs are the dreamy Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain both of whom I would love to see compete. But really, I should stop complaining; the show is still fun, and it is pretty impressive to see how talented these people are and how much passion they have for food.

So I think I’ll give you a week-by-week rundown and just share a few of my thoughts.

Week One – I was glad Hubert Keller won. He’s obviously incredibly talented and also has a good personality – I won’t mind seeing him again come the Champions Round. The best part of this episode though was seeing all the chefs confused by Whole Foods as they don’t do their own shopping and mystified by microwaves.

Week Two – My big problem here was that the woman who won – Suzanne Tracht – was by far the least interesting of the four contestants and I don’t care to see her compete again. Both Wylie Dufresne and Graham Elliot Bowles were fascinating to watch, had interesting personalities and a great bromance/rivalry. It’s a shame one of them didn’t win.

Week Three – I had a similar problem with this one as I did with episode two. I liked Rick Bayless least out of all the cheftestants – he reminds me of someone’s possibly gay overbearing father and just gives me the creeps – and yet he is the one who I will have to see compete again.

I also think it’s amusing to note that at the end of every episode when they add the picture of that week’s winner to the Champions Round in which six slots represent the six winning chefs, the unfilled slots all show Hubert’s silhouette. Weird, right? Anyways, I’ll report more next week. So far, I’m rooting for Hubert.

Days of Swine and Roses

Since that dismal week in which 30 Rock, The Office, Lost and Survivor all ended en masse, followed shortly by the demise of The Hills and Gossip Girl, there is really only one show that I’m currently following (as I can’t find episodes of Top Chef: Masters online yet!), and that’s The Bachelorette.

On this go-round, it’s Jillian – last season of The Bachelor’s third runner-up – who is taking a stab at finding everlasting love. Now let’s not pretend that there’s ever been a fantastic or even half decent season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette, but this one is particularly sub par. The men this time are really juvenile and - as my title suggests - swine-like, and to exacerbate things, Jill seems to have especially poor taste in picking from this disappointing pool of seeming adolescents.

Also, and this is lobbing a blow pretty far below the belt, or rather, below the eyes – that’s right, this blow is landing right on Jillian’s oversized nose – but Jillian is simply not pretty enough to be believably leading around a pack of twenty some mild to moderate hotties. Ok, to be fair, Jillian is a cool enough girl; I would even consider having a drink with her, which is not something I would endure with just anyone. Jillian’s personality is fine, and in a perfect world maybe bunches of hotties would flock to an awkward looking girl with an above average personality. But – and do I even need to say this? – we don’t live in a perfect world and the men on this season are clearly not above shallow behavior. In fact, so many of them are petty and full of testosterone that it makes watching the show unbearable at times.

There are a few decent catches on the show, however, and one who has earned the Film Noix stamp of approval. This lucky gent is Reid – a 29 year-old realtor from Philadephia.

I know, he sounds like a snooze fest but he’s actually really cute (don't trust that abysmal picture, it was the best I could find) and seems to have a good sense of humor. He’s hands down the one I would pick. I actually would go so far as to venture that – if he is rejected by Jill and asked to be the next bachelor – I might finally make my long overdue reality TV debut by competing for his undying affection on the show. Stay tuned.

I'm Back...

I feel like all I do is apologize to you for my near criminally negligent lack of posting. I won't even bother to explain this time; those of you who know me know that I've been inescapably detained and those of you who don't will have to live in the titillated darkness wondering to what I could possibly be referring.

Instead of excuses (though trust me, were I to elaborate, the excuses would be good ones), I'll propose a conciliatory gift of laughter through my old friend Bruno. Behold the sassy fashionista extract some deep observations from one Miami club owner. It's not just humorous, it's informative: you'll learn amazing new facts about how such catastrophes as WWII and Apartheid could have been avoided (who knew it could be so simple!), and you'll also hear a mind blowing story about Matt Damon!